November 12, 2016.
NYC to LA.
Photos: Griffith Observatory. Los Angeles, California.
Let's be real. I was having the time of my life in one of the greatest cities in the world.
NEW YORK CITY.
Over the last 10 years I've built a successful career, fell in love & had a beautiful wedding, and really learned to stand on my own two feet; so the thought of leaving was heartbreaking.
We made the decision to leave for a few reasons:
1. We were becoming the Three Musketeers and child care is too expensive; not just an in-home nanny, but daycare centers too.
2. Our WHOLE family still lives in California, so not only do we get free childcare - Rocky also gets the benefit of growing up with her grandparents and even her GREAT-grandparents.
3. Expanding also means expanding. Basically, we would need more space and a bigger apartment and with living expenses being so high in Brooklyn Heights (and frankly, NYC in general) we didn't want to sacrifice our lifestyle to pay an insane amount for rent.
4. The weather in Cali is so much nicer. It's consistent. That makes it easier to get around for doctor appointments, play dates, shopping, etc...
So, although our 'pros' list is a lot shorter than our 'cons' list, we felt it was the right decision for Rocky.
Fast forward to 6 months later and I still sometimes question this decision. To be completely honest, I fell into a mild form of postpartum depression for several months. I was having a hard time transitioning to this new lifestyle - having to drive everywhere, not having a job, missing all of my favorite stores/cafes, struggling to lose this baby weight, and feeling...almost alone. Our families live at least an hour away, so I couldn't just pop by.
After I had Rocky, the nurses spoke to me about postpartum depression and I laughed a little. In my mind, that's not something I'd be susceptible to. I knew I would be a little emotional since my body was adjusting, but I didn't know how hard it was going to hit me. It also didn't help that the stress from moving only heightened the symptoms. (I nearly cried at the airport when we were leaving.)
I tried to plan activities almost every weekend and would walk around our neighborhood during the week with Rocky to cope. I really just wanted to just take Rocky and hide out at my parents place. I felt comfort there.
It's not until recently that I've felt more settled-in and the depression has subsided. I didn't speak to my family or friends about it nor did I ask for help when I should have, which made it a longer journey to recovery. I would complain to Jordan about how I wanted to move back and how I wasn't happy, but I didn't express how much of a bigger issue it was. I felt ashamed when I shouldn't have.
I'm feeling better now. My saving grace was spending time with Rocky. Watching her grow and hit her milestones helped me realize that all of this was for her and it really is the best decision. She's so happy and surrounded by so much love.
I know this post is a lot shorter than it could be, but my point is that I urge all the mamas out there to seek help if you feel like you may have the "baby blues". If you're not comfortable talking to your family or friends, there are many anonymous hotlines with people who can help.
You're not alone!